“Self-care is not selfish. You cannot serve from an empty vessel.”
— Eleanor Brownn
The idea of self-care is everywhere. You’ve probably seen it splashed across Instagram or tucked into conversations with friends. It’s often presented as the magic fix for life’s overwhelming demands, a go-to solution for stress, exhaustion, or burnout. But amidst the noise, we rarely stop to ask: What does self-care really mean?
For many women, self-care has become something of a buzzword, often commercialized and glamorized in ways that might not align with its true purpose. The truth is, it’s not always about indulgence or a “treat yourself” mindset. And yet, so much of the advice floating around out there can be misleading—sometimes even harmful.
Before diving into what self-care isn’t, it’s crucial to understand what self-care is.
The Real Meaning of Self-Care: Beyond the Spa Days
At its core, self-care is about nurturing your overall well-being, both physically and mentally, in ways that allow you to thrive. It’s not about chasing temporary relief or quick fixes; it’s about building practices that support you, even during tough times.
Self-care can be deeply personal. For one person, it may involve a morning meditation ritual; for another, it might mean creating space for therapy sessions or making time to exercise regularly. Self-care doesn’t look the same for everyone because we all have different needs, but one thing is universal: it’s about maintaining balance and health so that you can be the best version of yourself.
It also involves making choices that may not feel luxurious in the moment. Setting boundaries, saying “no,” and even cutting out toxic relationships are all forms of self-care. These actions don’t always bring instant gratification, but they foster long-term wellness.
It’s important to recognize that self-care isn’t just one thing—it’s a spectrum of practices that sustain and restore you. However, misconceptions about self-care have a way of creeping into our lives, distorting what it really means. These myths can lead us down paths that are less helpful and sometimes even counterproductive.
Misconceptions About Self-Care That Could Be Doing More Harm Than Good
Let’s dismantle some of these widely believed myths and set the record straight on what genuine self-care really involves.
1. Self-Care is Selfish
This is probably one of the most damaging myths out there. So many women believe that taking time for themselves is an act of selfishness, a betrayal of their roles as caregivers, partners, or employees. But the reality is, you can’t pour from an empty cup. The more you deplete yourself without pausing to recharge, the less you’ll have to give to others. True self-care ensures that you’re emotionally, mentally, and physically available not just for yourself but also for the people you love.
2. Indulging is the Only Form of Self-Care
Sure, a bubble bath or a night of binge-watching your favorite show can feel restorative, but true self-care goes far beyond indulgence. It’s not about short-term pleasures but long-term health and wellness. Sometimes, self-care means making difficult decisions, like skipping a night out to prioritize rest or seeking help for mental health struggles rather than avoiding them.
3. Self-Care is Expensive
Spa retreats, fancy skincare routines, or luxurious vacations might look like the epitome of self-care in the media, but that’s a narrow view. Self-care doesn’t need to break the bank. It can be as simple as taking a walk, journaling, or reading a book you love. The most meaningful forms of self-care often cost nothing—they simply require a commitment to your own well-being.
4. You Need to Earn Self-Care
This is another misconception that keeps many women trapped in cycles of exhaustion. You don’t have to achieve a certain level of productivity before you “deserve” self-care. It’s not a reward for overworking yourself; it’s a necessity, something you should prioritize regularly to maintain your mental, emotional, and physical health.
5. Self-Care is All About Appearance
It’s easy to conflate self-care with beauty rituals, especially when social media frequently showcases it in the form of face masks, manicures, and flawless morning routines. While physical care is important, self-care is about so much more than how you look. It’s about how you feel—emotionally, mentally, and spiritually.
6. Self-Care Equals ‘Me-Time’ Only
Yes, self-care often involves solitude, but it’s not limited to that. Sometimes, self-care looks like connecting with loved ones, spending quality time with your partner, or enjoying a conversation with a friend who lifts you up. It’s about surrounding yourself with relationships that support your well-being.
7. It Has to Be Time-Consuming
A misconception that stops many from practicing self-care is the idea that it requires large chunks of time. You don’t need an entire day off to nurture yourself. Simple, mindful acts throughout the day—like taking a five-minute breathing break, stepping outside for fresh air, or enjoying a cup of tea—can be just as powerful.
8. You Should Always Feel Good After Self-Care
The idea that self-care always feels good is a common misunderstanding. Sometimes, true self-care involves hard work—like processing difficult emotions in therapy or making the choice to rest when you’d rather keep going. The immediate payoff might not be pleasant, but these actions build long-term resilience and wellness.
9. Self-Care Means Avoiding Challenges
It’s tempting to believe that self-care is about avoiding anything that causes stress or discomfort, but that’s not always true. Growth and self-care often go hand-in-hand. Confronting challenges, setting boundaries, or having tough conversations are all examples of self-care that help you move forward and protect your mental health in the long run.
10. Overworking Can Be Balanced By More Self-Care
We live in a culture that glorifies the hustle, and some believe that adding more self-care to your routine will offset the effects of overworking. But this is a myth. If your life is out of balance, no amount of bubble baths or yoga sessions can fix it. Sometimes, real self-care requires systemic change—like reassessing your workload or saying no to obligations that deplete you.
11. Self-Care Should Always Be Productive
The belief that everything—including self-care—must result in some form of productivity is misleading. It’s okay to rest, do something fun, or engage in an activity just because it makes you happy. Self-care doesn’t need to be productive to be valid. Sometimes, the most meaningful self-care is simply allowing yourself to be, without the pressure to achieve anything at all.
Embrace a New Narrative for Self-Care
Self-care isn’t a luxury or a privilege reserved for when you’ve “earned” it. It’s a necessity. As you work toward integrating genuine self-care into your life, remember that it’s not about perfection or following someone else’s formula. It’s about tuning in to what you need, honoring those needs, and permitting yourself to prioritize your well-being. By shedding these misconceptions, you can begin to practice self-care in a way that truly nourishes you—inside and out.
So the next time you hear the term “self-care,” think of it as an ongoing commitment to yourself. Not a one-time indulgence or an afterthought, but a consistent practice that allows you to show up fully in your life, with strength, compassion, and balance.
